integrity

I have never met a man who is as true to his words as you are my beloved. The man you say you are and the man you are are a seamless whole. It is staggering to know that such as you exists. I had given up hope sometime ago that I would ever meet someone that felt the same as me in this regard. I know that you will tell me what's on your mind without reserve. I love that you put your integrity before my feelings. Even it hurts momentarily to know the truth, it is a blessing that alleviates further suffering. I like to think of it like pulling off the band-aid. Beloved, never stop being the real and wonderful you.

Your Beloved.

Honoring my imperfection

Thank you for letting my darkness and pain be there without the need to fix it beloved. Thank you for patiently awaiting my resurfacing from the muck.

David

Pain

Sometimes, I hurt beloved David. It's part of the human experience. Thank you for honoring my space and pain when I hurt.

Your beloved.

A thousand blazing stars and galaxies

Beloved,
You are more stellar than the stars. I cannot express in words how beautiful you are to me. I love looking up at the night sky with you my beloved. You kiss is like that soft scent of rain in the hot summer air. It promises wonder and abandon beyond measure. I would run naked through the rain of your kisses. The fallow times were worth the blossoming meadows. I know that the winter incubated my ability to love as I do now. I'm grateful for the pain and disappointment along the way because it shaped who I am today which shaped our love in ways I can't imagine. No, I won't try to understand the vastness of the stars or the complexity of my life. I'll sit beneath both in silent wonder and appreciation for the order and perfection beneath apparent chaos.

David

To me

There is nothing remarkable about either of us beloved David. We're just two people. We don't stand out from humanity, but what makes us remarkable is our shared awareness of our divinity. You constantly remind me of the divine living within me. I am so grateful for that. Even in my darkest moments, you accept me as divine. I didn't know such radical acceptance was possible from anyone. Let me always accept you as you are beloved David!

Your beloved.

The infinite field of flowers

When I am in your arms beloved, I feel like I am in an infinite field of flowers. I feel suspended in delight and rapture. It is something beyond reality. Something more real than this dream we live. Beloved. You were worth the tears, the wait, the impatience, the joy, the failures. Just to be here in this moment made all the painful growth and fleeting joy worth it!

David

Light and Shadow

Beloved David,
I am writing to articulate my feelings today as I awoke to you lying next to me. Lately, I love how you have shown me it's ok to be both light and shadow within our relationship. You are the first person that has let my dark be as wonderful as my light. We are all light and dark. It has been a beautiful thing to learn to let your dark be what it is. I can't convey how precious this lesson has been to me beloved. Life wouldn't be the rich tapestry of variety and beauty without the shadow in there as well. Let it never be said that I ran away from our collective dark.

Your beloved.

I love you is enough

I just love you beloved. Thank you for being here on days like today.

David

Looking into your eyes

Beloved David,
When I look into your eyes, I get a glimpse of something mysterious and infinite. It is something beyond words. I feel my pulse quicken and my blood rush as I get lost in those two bottomless pools of light and shadow. In those pools, I feel a connection to something bigger than myself. I know that God is in all things, but just staring into those eyes that truth seems more real to me. I feel inches away, a breath away from the source of all that is when I look into your eyes. I can't tell you how precious our love is to me. Beloved David, always revel in those eyes that entrance and delight me. May they never be clouded by tears.

Your Beloved.

To the giver of gifts..

Beloved,
The reasons I love you are irrelevant. Love is a truth that stands total and alone. Words are so inadequate at capturing what I feel, but I'll try simply because it is fun to try naming the unnameable. You are a gift beyond price to me, beloved. Every breath I share with you is priceless. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love you. Any words are a poor substitute for the love itself. I love you beyond measure with utter abandon. I love you enough to not need anything in return. Truly, you have taught me what it is to love unconditionally.

David

Keeping it real...

Beloved David,
Today I wanted to say thank you for the authenticity you allow me to bring to our love and the authenticity you bring in return. It is magical that I can be so myself no matter the circumstances with you. You have showed me it's possible to be with someone that can allow me to be me. I will always even when I'm maddened by it, let you be you. It goes with out saying that our love is based on authenticity. It makes me glad that I took the emotional journey of aligning with meeting you, my love. It was worth all the contrast and all of the clean up I did of my vibration. Our coming together is a blessing I could never have conceived. Thank you for just being you and letting me be me!

Your beloved

A beacon inside

Beloved,
My love burned hot and bright for you today like our summer Utah sun. The only thing burning hotter was my love for me. The gift that keeps on giving. My deep self love allows me to love you. Your deep self love allows you to love me. It's like having a personal star inside my heart that constantly radiates light and warmth even at the coldest and bleakest moments. That is the magic and miracle of you and I. We are so ordinary but so extraordinary in our own way. I would that everyone could have a taste of the star lying dormant in their heart. Perhaps then they would love as you and I.

David

You are loved...

Beloved David,
You truly are loved by me. Know that in this moment. I can make no guarantees about what tomorrow may hold, but now I can say with the full depths of my being and soul, that you are loved. Never forget that. Our love is something magical and exceptional not because we are ourselves exceptional, but because of the depth of communication between us. We choose in each moment to be in love. That is the magic! Beyond that we are each still our own people first. We can differ, be honest about the differing, and then go as we were. That is the secret. Differences can just be differences. They don't have to be right or wrong. There doesn't have to be a winner or a loser. Thank you for showing me that that is possible with another person!

Your lover.

Simplicity

You are right my beloved. Simplicity is beautiful! I think today I will follow suit. Thank you for your love. It is a gift I relish waking up to each day.

David

Communication

Beloved,
Again, I choose to keep things simple today. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you for all you are and aren't. Thank you for being willing to always be heard and hear me even when we don't see eye to eye. That makes this love all the more rare and precious to me. Thank you!

Your beloved.

A sigh in the trees

Beloved,
I sigh with pleasure at the sight of your face. My pleasure was already overpowering before you danced into my life, now it is an overflowing fountain of sweet, refreshing water. I am purified by the fire of our love. It reminds me to love myself in the difficult moments. Such an amazing gift! Beloved, remind me if I forget that I have all the beauty and love within to share with you. Help me remember when the shadows close in and forgetfulness leads me to destructive paths. I will always remind you as I am able. Your beloved,

David

Freedom

Love is not clinging, is not grasping. Till our love I didn't know that this could be real. Everyone before said they loved me, but it seemed I was there to fill a hole in their life. I love the freedom you afford me! Because you love you, I know that you are able to truly love me too beloved. That makes me so happy. When we come together, we come together. When we need space, space is given. It is truly a beautiful thing. Love is free to ebb and flow just like the tide. The cycle of nature is restored. It's a beautiful thing.

Your beloved.

Entanglement

Dear beloved,
Right before I met you I had an insight. I realized that my attachment to having romantic love in my life was keeping you out. I realized that I had to let being single be as wonderful as I thought being in a relationship would be. Suddenly resistance and conflict vanished. I learned that any situation could be beautiful and wonderful as long as I let it be so. This is what allowed me to love you and be loved with no entanglement or attachment. With my fear of myself and being alone gone, suddenly I was free to love with no expectation or reservation. Wow. Tears well up in my eyes as I think about it now. In this moment I am so grateful to that sunrise that not only sparked a transforming insight, but also lit my journey down my path to you.

David

Say it simply

Sometimes, simplicity is best. My beloved David, I love you and am thinking joyfully of the love you give.

Your Beloved.

The words we share...

There is one thing I am profoundly grateful for more than anything. It is the way that your love allows me to be exactly who I am in every moment. I never need to worry about saying the wrong word. Even if what I say is displeasing, I know it will still be heard. That is magical to me in so many ways! Know my beloved that you can say anything to me and I will hear it and let it be. I'm not promising I'll always be pleased with what you have to say, but I am promising to let it be.

Your beloved David

Solitude

David,
I write today out of solitude. I love that we can be together and say nothing at all but yet be so close. It is truly magic. Thank you for being willing to explore the emptiness with me. Thank you for allowing the moment to just be whatever it is. I thought for a long time that I may be the only one in the world who understood. You proved me so wrong on that point! Truly, that is a gift. Silence is golden indeed my love.

Your Beloved

Say it in a song...

Dear beloved,
I decided to say with a song what my words can't quite say....

1. Open Water - Thrice
2. I Miss You - Incubus
3. Good Enough - Evanescence
4. Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) - The Arcade Fire
5. Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan
6. The Note from Which a Chord is Built - Emery
7. Goldfrapp - Black Cherry
8. H.I.M. - The Sacrament
9. Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
10. Kylie Minogue - I believe in you

David

The burning cold fires

My love for you is hot but cold. It seems to express it, I must resort to paradoxes. There is no other way that I know to express what I feel for you David. No are magnificent to me. My love is so warm and alive yet so cool and aloof. Your love is that to me. I feel supported yet left to be and grow. I feel separate yet connected. Paradox comes close to the mystery yet misses the mark. When I'm in your arms it is like I enfolded by angel wings while still floating alone through space. There is a sense of vastness and confinement all in one. I marvel at the wonder that is you love. I marvel and shout my joy to the hills and forests. David, I love you.

Your beloved.

The wind and wild breezes

A breeze tugs at my shirtsleeve. It leads me to adventure and excitement. Your love calls me and pulls on me like the breeze. It would lead me to wide open meadows I'm sure. I will always follow the pull of my heart and feel freed by the following. Life is too short to not let my heart do the thinking. I am blessed that you stumbled into my life and twice blessed that we chose to explore where that could lead. I look forward to sleep now in a way I never did before. I look forward to resting in your arms and holding you close. I know the time will come when I'll set you free to the breezes again. It is inevitable, but I will not deny my pleasure in holding you close. I feel in some ways that I have captured the breezes in my arms.

Your love,
David

Another song for you my beloved..

You are like an ocean to me. Vast, impenetrable. Fascinating. Beautiful. Terrible. So changeable, yet so familiar. So foreign.

Ten thousand men sleep down with Davy Jones;
with stolen treasure they tithe.
The open water chills me to my bones,
but it's the only place that I feel alive.

The ocean floor begins to disappear;
I sense that terrible depth.
The open water is my only fear,
but I'll sail as long as I still have breath in me.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you,
cause it gives, and it takes away.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea,
I stare into the abyss.
The open water is an awful thing,
but I'm anxious till the anchor is aweigh.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you,
cause it gives, and it takes away.
I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you,
cause it gives, and it takes away.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you,
cause it gives, and it takes away.

Sunrise

I sit here watching the sun being born again and I think of you my love. I think how I have magically woken each day to see our love reborn. Maybe our love isn't like the sun since it can't shine for the next Billion years but I still find it magnificent that it shines for me so each day. Lover, I love to bask in the warmth of your smile, the heat of your touch. Take me back into your arms again and let the sun shine on us. As I trust the sun not knowing for sure it will rise again, so I'll trust you and your love. I have no control, but I don't need control. We never have control anyways. Thank you for being the magnificent light in my life that you are my love.

Your beloved David

The first day..

Beloved David,
I had to share this with you today because it's how you make me feel when I am with you...

Depuis le jour
où je me suis donnée,
toute fleurie semble ma destinée.
Je crois rêver sous
un ciel de féerie,
l'âme encore grisée
de ton premier baiser!
Quelle belle vie!
Mon rêve n'était pas un rêve!
Ah! je suis heureuse!
L'amour étend sur moi ses ailes!
Au jardin de mon coeur
chante une joie nouvelle!
Tout vibre,
tout se réjouit de mon triomphe!

Autour de moi tout est sourire,
lumiére et joie!
Et je tremble délicieusement
Au souvenir charmant
Du premier jour D'amour!
Quelle belle vie!
Ah! je suis heureuse! trop heureuse...
Et je tremble délicieusement
Au souvenir charmant
Du premier jour D'amour!

Translation

Since the day
I gave myself,
my fate seems all in flower.
I seem to be dreaming
beneath a fairy sky,
my soul still enraptured
by that first kiss!
What a wonderful life!
My dream was not a dream!
Oh, I am so happy!
Love spreads its wings above me!
In the garden of my heart
a new joy sings!
Everything vibrates,
everything rejoices in my triumph!

About me it is all smiles,
light and happiness!
And I tremble deliciously
at the delightful memory
of the first day of love!
What a glorious life!
Oh, how happy I am! too happy!...
And I tremble deliciously
at the delightful memory
of the first day of Love!

Your beloved.

Letting go

I had so much I was carrying with me before you were able to come into my life. Now I realize that letting go will be an ongoing process as I am with you. Though I do love how tolerant you are my foibles and flaws. I thought at one point that I just could release enough and it would be done. Now I see that we all must constantly detached from our entanglements. Had I not let go of all past romances, I could never have been present to receive your love. We would have passed through each others' lives like strangers in the night. I have to admit, I feel fortunate that I could examine my life and figure this out in time to be with you. So my love, I will promise to detach myself as much as possible from getting entangled. A love as rare as yours deserves the space and nourishment it needs to flourish. Like a flower, it must be free of choking weeds to bloom and attain its true beauty.

Your lover,
David

So sure

David,
I've never told you this before but what drew me most to you when I first met you was your air of happiness with life. You had this aura of contentment about you that was irresistible. I sensed that your life was one you loved with or without me in it. Nothing made me want you more than that. To meet someone else who got that so completely frankly took my breath away. I had waited so long for someone on the same path as me and then you just walked into my life. I learned as you did that I just needed to wake up each day and live that day with joy and abandon (with or without a lover.) Alone, I was still complete. In fact meeting you became an added bonus to an already full life. I am so grateful for the patience you had and I had as we walked our separate paths. I knew that I needed to be the man that I wanted to date before I could date him. Somehow, in your own way you came to the same conclusions. It brought our paths together eventually. Maybe that is what makes this experience so exquisite for me. It's the first time I've felt that a lover's life would continue without me, and it makes me want to share your life all the more while i can. Blessed be the day that you walked into my life.

Your Beloved.

The trees

Beloved,
I cannot tell you in words how much you mean to me. I will liken the love you give to the shade of the tree I sat beneath this morning. The shade calmed my nervous beating heart. The cool, refreshing shadows eased my tense, sweaty brow. I cannot articulate the feeling in words. I wish you too could sit beneath the shade of your love to know how relaxing and revitalizing it is. Perhaps my love is as refreshing for you. That I cannot know. What I do know is that the shade now is like an oasis amidst a barren desert. I have wandered far and long in the desert of my mind. I have seen mirages and glimpses of happiness. I know that when I finally surrendered to the emptiness that I was able to see the oasis that was me and then you and me.

Your love,
David